My friends have lame nicknames.

In our society, there are names that are accepted as “cool”. Such names include Rex, Pedro, Lebowski, Mike, Iamawesome, Yourface, Muscle, Oprah and the list goes on.

I came across the coolest name of all the other day. Rocket Man. No joke, that was his legal name. This got me thinking. There are so many people with cool names out there, and yet, somehow, my friends have all managed to pick the worst and ugliest names.

From, Tamb0o (also been caught using ‘the taminator’) to Buttugnoraa (now buttugmcoysty – i dont even know which is worse) to pandamonium (gay), to Bonizzle to Kwan Chan etc, my friends have all managed to find names that bring me to the brink of vomitting.

I dont know if its just a lack of creativity or just an issue of poor taste, but someone who loves them needs to tell such people that their names suck. This person just happens to be me. Now, I’m not one to hate, but y’all gotta do something about your names. Why strive to induce seizures when your names could instead inspire world peace or resolution in Tibet? Instead of Tamboo, why not something like Lets-TAMe-the-beast-of-hatred-and-scare-it-away-forever-with-a-BOO, or instead of pandamonium, help-preserve-the-PANDAs-and-celebrate-by-buying-a-new-condoMoNIUM and so on and so forth.

Not only will you be rocking the most unique and hippest names out there, but people who use first names to judge character (i’m assuming people like that actually exist) will have no choice but to label you with such adjectives as “loving”, “compassionate”, “brilliant”, “handsome” and “nobel peace prize worthy”.

All I ask for is mad props in return.

from L-R: homedawg jones, D-rat, I’m-white.

but in this case, their names are the least of their problems.

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